Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏 One of the biggest dangers in both active addiction and recovery is self-sabotage. A lot of us think relapse happens only when life gets bad. But the truth is, for many addicts, relapse can also happen when life starts getting good. Why? Because our brains became conditioned to chaos, pain, destruction, and survival mode. In active addiction, we trained ourselves—over and over again—to live in dysfunction. We got used to crisis. We got used to shame. We got used to tearing things down before life could tear them down for us. That is why self-sabotage is so common in recovery. When things finally begin to improve—when relationships heal, when peace shows up, when hope returns, when bills are getting paid, when we begin feeling proud of ourselves—that unfamiliar peace can actually feel threatening. To a brain that spent years wired for destruction, stability can feel uncomfortable. Safety can feel suspicious. Joy can feel foreign. That old addict...
Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏
Sometimes I like to share parts of my story. I do it sparingly because I never want this platform to become all about me. But I do believe that sharing our experience, strength, and hope can help someone else who may still be struggling.
I spent a long time incarcerated. My longest stretch was from 1999 until 2012. When I first got locked up in 1999, my girlfriend at the time was pregnant. By the time my daughter was born, I was already in prison. I had no contact with her and knew very little about her. The only way I got to “watch” her grow up was from a distance, mostly through social media. I kept my distance out of respect for her mother.
When my daughter was around 21 years old, I met her for the first time.
The problem was… I was still in active addiction.
I made all kinds of promises. I told her I would be there for her. I told her I wouldn’t go back to prison. I told her I would finally be the father she never had. And within a month of making those promises, I was back in jail.
She was hurt deeply… and rightfully so.
Then she gave me another chance.
And when I got out again, within 36 hours, I was locked up once more. I had to watch my daughter cry and beg me not to make the choice I was making. That moment never left me. There’s a lot more to that story, but that part alone taught me something I will carry for the rest of my life:
Never make a promise you are not spiritually, mentally, and emotionally prepared to keep.
In addiction, we become experts at making promises. We promise people we’ll stop. We promise we’ll do better. We promise we’ll be there. But addiction doesn’t care about our intentions. It destroys our integrity one broken word at a time.
That’s why in recovery, I don’t make promises I know I might break.
That’s not negativity.
That’s accountability.
That’s humility.
That’s growth.
Today, if I say I’m going to do something, I take that seriously. Because my word matters now. My actions matter now. Recovery taught me that trust isn’t rebuilt with emotional speeches — it’s rebuilt with consistency. With showing up. With living right when nobody is clapping. With doing the next right thing over and over again.
My daughter may not talk to me today, and I don’t blame her.
But I can still live in a way that honors the lesson she unknowingly gave me.
I can live in such a way that if she ever does look back at my life… she’ll see a man who changed. A man who finally learned what it means to be honest. A man who stopped making empty promises and started making living amends.
Sometimes the people we hurt the most never come back around. That’s painful, but it’s real. Recovery doesn’t always restore every relationship. But it can restore us. And if we stay the course, we can become the kind of people we should have been all along.
So if you’ve broken promises in your past, don’t stay buried in shame.
Learn from it.
Grow from it.
Let it refine you, not define you.
We may not be able to rewrite yesterday, but we can absolutely live differently today.
One day at a time.
Keep coming back.
Do the next right thing.
Easy does it.
Progress, not perfection.
It works if you work it… and you’re worth it.
With love and gratitude,
Gary G
Wow! This is both powerful & deep! I’m grateful that I not only get to see your progress but am also inspired by it as I read your messages! Thank you my friend!
ReplyDeleteYou are very welcome. I am also grateful for my recovery that gave you to me as a friend.
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