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Showing posts from March, 2026

Self-Sabotage in Recovery

Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏 One of the biggest dangers in both active addiction and recovery is self-sabotage. A lot of us think relapse happens only when life gets bad. But the truth is, for many addicts, relapse can also happen when life starts getting good. Why? Because our brains became conditioned to chaos, pain, destruction, and survival mode. In active addiction, we trained ourselves—over and over again—to live in dysfunction. We got used to crisis. We got used to shame. We got used to tearing things down before life could tear them down for us. That is why self-sabotage is so common in recovery. When things finally begin to improve—when relationships heal, when peace shows up, when hope returns, when bills are getting paid, when we begin feeling proud of ourselves—that unfamiliar peace can actually feel threatening. To a brain that spent years wired for destruction, stability can feel uncomfortable. Safety can feel suspicious. Joy can feel foreign. That old addict...

Thoughts on Recovery and Making Amends

Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏  This is the last of my morning messages… April fools! 😂 I was thinking about a book I read by Gregory David Roberts called The Shantaram . It’s loosely based on a true story about a guy who was a paramedic in Australia and also a heroin addict who ended up robbing a bank and serving 19 years in prison. He eventually escaped and became a fugitive in India, where he ran a quasi-clinic in the slums of Bombay. Because of his Western background and English-speaking ability, the local underground mafia used him as a go-between for foreigners. One of the characters, a philosopher-gangster if you will, said something about the justice system that has stuck with me: “It’s not about how much crime is in the sin, but how much sin is in the crime.” That idea makes me think deeply about addiction and recovery. When I make amends, it’s not just about the harm I caused—it’s about the moral failings inside me that led me there. The sin behind the actions, ...

Poem for Recovery

  " Rock Bottoms and Sunny Days " by Gary G  I remember the day like a thunderstorm still echoing— a friend with tears in his eyes, needle trembling in his hand, begging me not to cross that line. His voice cracked like old floorboards: "Don’t do this, man… please.” But I was already halfway gone, heart hollow, pain too loud, and I said to myself, "This is what I need." And just like that, the poison found my vein— and I found another rock bottom waiting to swallow me whole. Shame became my shadow, regret, my pillow. Every sunrise felt like a dare to survive or disappear. But even shadows give way to light. And one day, somewhere between broken mirrors and aching bones, I chose to stand. One step. Then two. Then a thousand more toward the sun. Now, I chase peace, not a high. I count clean days like gold coins, each one a treasure, each one a triumph. The storms still knock sometimes, but I don’t answer. I remember the friend who cried, and I cry too— but from s...

The Crucial a.k.a. Rock Bottom

  Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏 When you finally hit rock bottom, you have to start new — and there is real beauty in that. The truth is, sometimes it’s not just one rock bottom. Sometimes we hit bottom several times, one right after another. Life can knock us down hard, and addiction can take us places we never thought we’d go. But the greatest thing about hitting rock bottom is this: you get to start over. And there is something powerful, humbling, and even beautiful about that. It all comes down to perspective. Usually when we hit rock bottom, we feel like we’ve lost everything . Pride. Peace. Trust. Relationships. Maybe even ourselves for a while. But in those moments — those raw, broken, desperate moments — we often find the very thing that sets us free: the desperation to change. That desperation can become the foundation of recovery. Sometimes the breaking is what finally opens the door to healing. It reminds me of a crucible, or even Marine Corps training. They strip ...

The Struggle is Real

Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏 I just want to say how grateful I am for life today. It has been a struggle, and I’ve dealt with a lot of hard things—just like so many of you have. We all have different stories, and every single one of them is unique, powerful, and deeply meaningful. No two journeys are exactly the same, but we all know what it means to fight for our lives. I also want to share something I just realized today: as you read this, I have 9 months and 4 days clean. That is a huge milestone for me. To some people, that might sound like a short amount of time—but to me, it is a lifetime. After more than 20 years in addiction, and 10 of those years trying to truly find recovery, this means everything to me. This is more than clean time. This is freedom. This is peace. This is proof that change is possible. One of the biggest things I’ve learned along the way is the importance of trusting a Higher Power. In Narcotics Anonymous and other fellowships, surrendering to a High...