Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏 Last night was another using dream. Those always piss me off. I wake up feeling like I just used, and there is a flood of emotions that comes crashing in all at once. Fear, guilt, confusion, disappointment, and sometimes even relief when I realize it was only a dream. For a few moments, it can feel so real that I have to remind myself that I am still clean, still sober, and still walking this path of recovery. Over the years, I've learned that using dreams are a common part of recovery. They can happen months or even years after we've put down the drugs. While they can be unsettling, they don't mean we're failing. They don't mean we secretly want to go back. In many ways, they are evidence that our brains are still healing from the damage addiction caused. For many of us, drugs and alcohol were woven into our lives for years. They became attached to our emotions, our routines, our celebrations, our grief, our stress, and even our...
Brothers and Sisters in Recovery 🙏
Last night was another using dream. Those always piss me off. I wake up feeling like I just used, and there is a flood of emotions that comes crashing in all at once. Fear, guilt, confusion, disappointment, and sometimes even relief when I realize it was only a dream. For a few moments, it can feel so real that I have to remind myself that I am still clean, still sober, and still walking this path of recovery.
Over the years, I've learned that using dreams are a common part of recovery. They can happen months or even years after we've put down the drugs. While they can be unsettling, they don't mean we're failing. They don't mean we secretly want to go back. In many ways, they are evidence that our brains are still healing from the damage addiction caused.
For many of us, drugs and alcohol were woven into our lives for years. They became attached to our emotions, our routines, our celebrations, our grief, our stress, and even our identities. Recovery doesn't simply erase those memories. The brain stores experiences, emotions, and survival patterns deep within us. As healing takes place, those memories can resurface while we sleep.
Some experts believe these dreams are part of the brain's natural process of sorting through old experiences and strengthening new pathways. Recovery requires us to build an entirely different way of living, thinking, and responding to life. While we're sleeping, our minds continue doing that work. Sometimes that healing process feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels downright cruel. But healing isn't always pleasant.
Think about a broken bone. When it heals, there can be pain, stiffness, and discomfort. The same is true for the brain and spirit. Recovery is rebuilding us from the inside out. The dreams may be unpleasant, but they are often reminders of where we came from and how far we've traveled.
When I wake up from one of these dreams, I try to look at it differently. Instead of seeing it as a warning that I'm weak, I see it as proof that my recovery matters. If addiction left no scars, there would be no dreams to remember. The fact that I wake up disturbed by the thought of using tells me that I've changed. The person I am today values recovery enough to be bothered by the idea of throwing it away.
If you're struggling with using dreams, know that you're not alone. Many recovering addicts experience them. Talk about them. Share them with your sponsor, your support network, or someone you trust. Bringing them into the light takes away their power. What grows in darkness shrinks in the sunlight.
Today, I choose gratitude. Gratitude that it was only a dream. Gratitude that I woke up clean. Gratitude that recovery has given me another day to live, love, and serve others. Gratitude that I no longer have to live the nightmare that once followed me every waking moment.
Keep moving forward, even when recovery feels uncomfortable. Keep showing up, even when your mind tries to drag you backward. Keep trusting the process, because healing is happening whether you can see it or not.
One day at a time. Easy does it. Progress, not perfection. Keep coming back. It works if you work it, and you're worth it.
With love and gratitude,
Gary G
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