Brothers and Sisters in Recovery, I write about it every time it happens. I had another using dream last night. This one took place in prison, so it was a double whammy. Not only was my addiction messing with me, but my PTSD decided it wanted a piece of the action too. Talk about non-productive sleep. When I woke up, my heart was racing. For a few moments, it felt real. The sights, the sounds, the emotions, the fear, the desperation—all of it seemed like I had been transported back to a place I never want to visit again. The strange thing about dreams is that they can stir up feelings we thought were buried long ago. Many of us in recovery experience using dreams. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. Sometimes they show up during stressful times, periods of growth, or when we are facing major changes in our lives. They can leave us feeling shaken, confused, guilty, or even angry. But here's what I've learned: a using dream is not a relapse. It is not a failure. It is not a sign...
Brothers and Sisters in Recovery,
I write about it every time it happens. I had another using dream last night. This one took place in prison, so it was a double whammy. Not only was my addiction messing with me, but my PTSD decided it wanted a piece of the action too. Talk about non-productive sleep.
When I woke up, my heart was racing. For a few moments, it felt real. The sights, the sounds, the emotions, the fear, the desperation—all of it seemed like I had been transported back to a place I never want to visit again. The strange thing about dreams is that they can stir up feelings we thought were buried long ago.
Many of us in recovery experience using dreams. Sometimes they come out of nowhere. Sometimes they show up during stressful times, periods of growth, or when we are facing major changes in our lives. They can leave us feeling shaken, confused, guilty, or even angry. But here's what I've learned: a using dream is not a relapse. It is not a failure. It is not a sign that recovery isn't working.
In many ways, using dreams can actually be evidence of healing.
Our minds have years, sometimes decades, of memories connected to addiction. The brain doesn't simply erase those experiences because we got clean. Recovery teaches us how to live differently, but healing takes time. Sometimes our subconscious mind continues processing old wounds, old fears, and old experiences while we sleep.
The same thing happens with PTSD. Trauma doesn't always knock on the front door. Sometimes it sneaks in through our dreams. The memories, emotions, and fears can become tangled together in ways that don't make sense when we're awake. One moment we're reliving addiction, the next we're reliving trauma, and before long we're fighting battles we thought were over.
But here's the good news: every time I wake up from a using dream and realize I didn't use, recovery wins.
Every time I wake up grateful that it was only a dream, recovery wins.
Every time I choose to talk about it instead of hiding it, recovery wins.
The dream may remind me where I've been, but it also reminds me where I am today. I'm no longer trapped by addiction. I'm no longer defined by my past. I'm no longer living the life that once controlled me.
Using dreams can strengthen our recovery because they remind us of the pain, fear, chaos, and consequences that came with active addiction. They reinforce our gratitude for the freedom we've found. They remind us that what we have today is worth protecting.
When these dreams happen, don't let shame move in. Reach out. Talk about it. Share it with another recovering addict. Shine some light on it. Secrets grow in darkness, but recovery grows in honesty.
If you're struggling with PTSD, trauma, anxiety, or difficult memories, remember that healing is not always comfortable. Sometimes growth feels messy. Sometimes recovery means facing things we've spent years trying to escape. But every day we stay clean, every meeting we attend, every honest conversation we have, and every healthy choice we make is another step toward freedom.
You are stronger than your nightmares.
You are stronger than your past.
You are stronger than your fears.
Keep showing up. Keep doing the work. Keep trusting the process. The fact that you're still here means you're winning battles that many people never see.
Just for today, we never have to use again. Easy does it. One day at a time. Progress, not perfection. Keep coming back—it works if you work it, and you're worth it.
With love and gratitude,
Gary G.
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